The first three sentences are connected by the violence/aggression, but then you shift to a different aspect of the relationship in the second half without a clear link between. 1/1: Thesis Your paragraph uses well-selected evidence, but as a reader, I’m not convinced that you know what part of your argument you’re proving in this paragraph, or how your line of reasoning is supported. My push for you would be to get all of that into one sentence, because that would cut down on the repetition, and strengthen your writing style. Teacher feedback: You have a thesis that establishes a line of reasoning, and names the relationship between Lutie and the setting, which is great! So that earns the point. It meticulously bothers Lutie Johnson as she shivers when “ the cold fingers of the wind touched the back of her neck, and explored the sides of her head.”: making her feel uncomfortable and powerless. It purposely bothers people, going as far as driving them out the streets. Immediately, it’s described as a violent figure that gives off an aggressive and depressing atmosphere. The passage starts off with introducing the wind as it " rattled the tops of garbage cans and “ sucked window shades out”.
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